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Confidence is something I’ve always struggled with.
So I’ve always been envious of those women who walk into a room and everyone notices. They command attention when they need to and people naturally value their opinions.
But here’s the thing, these women aren’t necessarily the prettiest, the smartest or even the loudest.
There’s something else setting them apart.
And, as I’ve come to realize, confidence is a skill you can learn.
But not only that, it’s a state of mind that can take you places you never thought possible.
The dream job you covet, the solo traveling you’re too scared to do or finding your perfect life partner and being able to make even the most difficult times a relationship strengthener, rather than a relationship deal-breaker.
So today I want to answer the question everyone is thinking: How to be a confident woman.
Shall we begin?
Why is confidence important?
Confidence, as defined by the dictionary is the “belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities”.
So why is it important for you to believe in yourself? For you to have self-worth?
Honestly… Because if you don’t believe in yourself how can you expect anyone else to?
Confidence means you don’t have to rely on people to validate you, which massively increases your resilience.
Confidence also decreases anxiety and fear. For example, I’m a pretty socially anxious person but around my friends I’m confident to be myself which means that social anxiety doesn’t rear it’s head.
Imagine if I had that level of confidence around anyone, the social anxiety would be gone!
Confidence is also a massive motivator because if you believe in yourself then it’s much easier to go after your dreams AND reach them.
What is a confident person?
So now we know why we would want to be confident, let’s talk about the signs of a confident woman.
They tend to be positive, comfortable in their own skin and don’t make a habit of putting others down (I mean why would they need to, most people put others down because they’re worrying about something they dislike on themselves.)
They’re often good leaders, in that people naturally follow and agree with them.
Whch is easy to do when someone proposes an idea and you can see how wholeheartedly they believe in it themselves, am I right?
But they aren’t necessarily loud, in fact confidence is often quiet and subtle.
We often think the loudest people in the room have the most confidence but in most cases the confident ones are the people everyone else becomes quiet to listen to.
Why are you not confident?
Think of someone you really believe in. Maybe it’s a best friend, a family member or even a celebrity.
Now think about how you see these people?
I’m guessing you look up to them, rely on them, always think that they can do what they put their mind to, and still think they’re pretty cool even when they get things wrong.
Do you think about yourself in the same way?
I’m going to take another guess that if you’re reading this post then no, you don’t think about yourself in the same way.
Maybe you doubt yourself constantly, ridicule yourself (ergh I’m so fat, stupid, ugly, brash, etc) and fear making your voice heard in case you’re wrong.
If your thoughts create your actions and your actions create your reality then I can kind of see the problem here.
Because when you think of yourself as a less valuable human it’s pretty hard, if not impossible to be confident.
But how can a woman be confident and attractive?
Okay let’s talk about this because a lot of people think women have to be quiet, small and less-than in order to be attractive. Well I’m here to tell you that’s utter BS.
Being yourself and being comfortable in your own skin is when you are going to be the most attractive.
Maybe you’re naturally a quiet person, rock that.
But maybe you’re naturally big and loud, in that case you trying to be quiet and small is not going to be attractive because being yourself is the most attractive thing about you.
Sure some people won’t like you. But you don’t want everyone to be your friend, you want real relationships that mean something and that just won’t happen when you’re trying to be something you’re not.
Confidence is attractive, no matter what your version of confidence looks like.
20 Ways to be a Smart and Confident Woman
Now it’s the part you’ve been waiting for, exactly how to become a confident woman!
1 – Have a purpose.
A confident woman knows what she’s doing and why she is here so it’s super important you work on your purpose in life.
A great way to help you do this is to write your own personal mission statement, it can both help you discover your purpose and also keep you on track when hard decisions come your way.
2 – Be content in your own company.
This is nothing to do with whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, this is all to do with whether you’re okay with being left with just your own thoughts and mind for company. Spoiler alert, you should be…
I’m not saying for weeks on end, but you should be quite content to spend an afternoon alone.
If this scares you (and if you have no idea what I’m talking about here then you’re all good and can go onto number 3) then this is something you need to work on. Journaling would be a great place to start.
3 – Don’t judge others.
A confident person does not need or want to judge others. They know they haven’t walked in their shoes, they know they aren’t them with their life experiences and knowledge and so they know they cannot judge because they have no idea how they would have acted in that exact situation with that person’s experience and knowledge.
4 – Be a good listener.
I’m sure you have an extremely good opinion, but if you’re waiting to share that opinion then you aren’t listening very well.
If someone wants to talk to you and you’re happy to chat then make sure you actively listen to what they say. Sometimes it can help to repeat back what they’ve told you to make sure you understand.
Then wait to see if they even want your opinion, sometimes people just need to get things off their chest. I’m sure you can relate to that.
5 – Speak assertively.
But on the flip side, if you do have something to say then say it like you really mean it. This doesn’t mean shouting or anything like that, just speak assertively and clearly so people know that’s where you stand on the subject.
6 – Question the norm.
Confident women question the norm. Why are we doing this? Is this the right thing to be doing? Is there a better way to do this?
There is a wonderful quote from Laurel Thatcher Ulrich that I think describes this point perfectly:
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.”
Our world only changes for the better when people question the current norms, so don’t be afraid to rock the boat.
7 – Don’t say yes to everything.
Unless you really want to do them of course.
But a confident woman is not going to spend her life going to events, parties, occasions, holidays, whatever they are if she doesn’t want to.
Of course there are moments where you might need to show your face at something you won’t absolutely love every second of, but these should be once in a blue moon.
If your whole life consists of going and being somewhere you hate then that is no life (and yes, your job counts if that’s where your mind has gone…)
8 – Stay positive and use positive language.
In 99% of scenarios it really isn’t as bad as it seems as long as you look at it from a positive angle and confident people realize this.
Sure it didn’t exactly work out how they planned but that’s okay!
Confident women are not pessimists, they use positive language because they know not only will it make them feel generally happier, but also because they know the happier and more positive you are the more successful you’re likely to be…
9 – Don’t ruminate.
Maybe you’ve had a bad day at work, a fight with your partner, an embarrassing moment in public and now you can’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about what went wrong, how many people saw, what they must think of you and on and on the rumination goes.
But if you want to be more confident it’s time to ditch rumination because it’s only bringing you down. What happened happened, it’s now in the past, if there is something you need to fix (were you rude to someone? etc) then fix it but otherwise it’s time to move on.
10 – Turn your dreams and goals into action plans and actually work towards them.
You’ve got dreams? We’ve all got dreams. But you know what confident people do, they turn those dreams into goals and then create action plans so they can actually reach them.
They believe they have make it takes to make those dreams their reality, so break down exactly how you can reach that goal into teeny tiny steps and start working on each step one by one.
11 – Be or become financially secure.
Confident people know how to handle their money, it’s as simple as that.
Financial security builds resilience. If you need any convincing of this point then read this blog post, it’s life changing.
12 – Dress well but don’t be a slave to your appearance.
Let’s unpack this one because I think it could easily be misinterpreted.
The first part, “dress well”, what does that even mean?
Well it’s actually quite simple, dress in clothes that make you feel like a badass, like you can take on the world and win.
And the second part, “don’t be a slave to your appearance”…
Don’t let how you’re looking ever dictate what you do, how you act or how you feel. Now I get this is easier said than done, but just because you’re not feeling like your best doesn’t mean you need to put up with someone else’s crap.
13 – Be body positive and rock that self-love.
This one is all about feeling confident about your body.
I don’t care what size you are, the color of your skin, whether your hair is frizzy or straight or any other factor that makes you different, you are beautiful and it’s time you not only started to believe that, but rocked it.
You are a Queen, don’t ever forget it!
14 – Know your own strengths and weaknesses.
And this isn’t only handy in job interviews…
Know what you’re great at, what you can do with your eyes closed and what you always ace (there most definitely will be something, probably multiple things).
But also know where your weaknesses are. In your personality, your abilities, everywhere.
Not only does this give you the opportunity to work on them and improve them, it also means you can recognize situations where someone else can do a better job than you and that gives you the freedom to delegate (a very important life skill).
15 – Never bring others down to make yourself look better.
Nothing says a lack of confidence like bad mouthing someone else, particularly when you badmouth them to make yourself look better (whether this is explicitly said or just implied everyone can always tell…)
It’s time to realize that there is enough to go round for everyone. You can be successful, beautiful, funny, clever and so can they and you can still get everything you want.
There is no need to bring other women down to climb the ladder, helping each other up will get you there so much faster.
16 – Work hard in your career but make sure it means something to you.
Ahh work. We love to complain about our 9 to 5s but have you ever noticed that the most confident and happy person in the room, while they might mention they’re a bit tired or it was hectic in the office today, they really don’t have anything too serious to complain about…
Because their work means something to them. They have the confidence to work in an area that bring them purpose.
So don’t spend your day complaining about your job. Go out and find a better one that means something to you.
It’s easy to be confident at work when your work has purpose.
17 – Practice self-care without apology.
Self-care is non-negotiable. Don’t think so? Then read the first half of this post and then tell me if you still disagree…
So it’s time you stopped skirting around and actually embrace it.
A confident person knows they have to look after themselves, whether that’s them recognising that they need a break, doing more exercise, eating better or eating allll the cookies (yes that is a form of self-care too).
Either way, it’s time you started looking after yourself and doing what’s best for you.
18 – Know that it’s okay to be wrong and ask for help.
A confident woman is not afraid of being wrong and asking for help and advice when she really needs it.
Allowing those vulnerabilities to show is wholly something only confident people do, so be proud that you want to learn, that you can’t yet do the thing but that you will learn and you will improve.
19 – Grow.
You need to know it’s okay to grow as a person. That it’s okay for your opinions to change as you step outside your comfort zone and learn new things.
Confident people are not afraid of holding their hands up and saying yeah I use to believe that, but now I believe this.
And even if that belief was a defining characteristic for you for a long time, know that you are more than that and still worthy without that belief or an altered belief.
20 – Take radical responsibility for your actions.
You want to be confident? Then it’s time to stop playing the victim.
Instead try taking radical responsibility for your actions.
For example, say you had to do a big presentation for work. But when you started all your slides were messed up and half the room was asleep because you were presenting just after lunch.
You could victimize yourself, saying it’s so unfair that you had to present after lunch when everyone is tired and that if only you had been able to use your own laptop and then the slides wouldn’t have got all messed up.
You could do that, and I think most people would. But look at the situation differently, is there anything else you could have done to make the presentation better?
Maybe, when you found out the time you were presenting you could have requested a morning meeting instead and if that wasn’t possible done an exercise to get everyone awake and paying attention before you started your presentation.
And why didn’t you test the slides on the different computer the night before to check they would still be formatted correctly?
Taking radical responsibility for your actions and your life puts you in control, because you are in control and a confident woman knows they have the power to make their life into whatever they want.
Want some more confidence tips?
I love this video and if you liked the tips above then you will probably love this video too!
Now Go Get Confident
Take one or two things off the list at a time and start working on them.
Confidence is like a muscle, you have to build it up.
But confidence is also a mindset. It’s time to start believing in yourself and your self-worth because you truly are incredible.